Somewhere in the unwritten laws of social contracts that we superimpose on relationships is the following misunderstanding, “If you’re good at this relationship, you won’t right.”
That’s a lie.
Healthy relationships experience conflict.
How can two people, with different perspectives, personalities, and backgrounds, live in functional intimacy without conflict? It’s simply impossible. Your differing perspectives, personalities, and backgrounds will create more than enough conflict, not to mention what sin will do.
Statistically, we know that about 30% of the conflict we face is based on a problem. There’s a solution to the problem, and the conflict will push us towards the solution.
We also know that 70% of the conflict we face is “residual conflict” and will never have a solution. This conflict comes from personalities, preferences, and backgrounds. There is no solution to a conflict that comes from differing personalities. It is a tension that must be managed.
You probably experience conflict. It’s a normal part of life.
Have you ever stopped to think about what you’re fighting for?
More often than not, we’re fighting to be right. We think our perspectives are clearly right, and we want the other person to cave and surrender to our rightness. What if what you’re fighting for is totally wrong? What if while you’re fighting to be right, you’re going about it all wrong?
It’ll help if you choose what you’re going to fight ahead of time. If you want to have better finances, you’ll need to fight to work a budget. If you want a better relationship with your spouse, you’ll need to fight for less “me” and more “we.” If you want better friendships, you’re going to have to fight the tendency to make it all about yourself.
Whatever you want, you’re going to have to fight for it.
I shared a few messages on the topic of conflict at our church recently, here are the links to listen in:
Fight For It: Why Conflict Matters – https://pkev.in/fight4it
Sucker Punch: How To Respond To Conflict – https://pkev.in/sucker-punch
Hills To Die On: What To Fight For – https://pkev.in/hills-2-dieFight Rules: How To Fight Fair – https://pkev.in/fight-rules