Earlier today (Monday, March 21st) my wife, Amanda, called me to inform me that she was starting to develop some acute pain in her lower back (localized on the right side) and in her pelvic area. She went into our Obstetrician’s office where they quickly placed her on antibiotics and sent her home to rest. The assumption was that she was developing some sort of UTI. She called me a few hours later. The pain was getting worse. The doctor was called and instructed us to immediately head to the ER. Between 11am & 7pm today the doctors observed, ran tests, & looked internally through ultrasound trying to understand the cause of the pain. Even though the ultrasound did not show any, the early diagnosis is that Amanda has kidney stones. Amanda was admitted into the hospital tonight, where they can monitor her closely and treat her pain. The good news is our baby is doing just fine. We’ve heard her heart today and even saw her for a few brief moments during the ultrasound. The doctors are taking special care to make sure the treatment does not harm our little girl. For the last few months I’ve listened to Jesus challenge me. He’s challenged me to place my faith in Him with our child. To trust Him alone. I like to trust things I understand, stuff I’ve figured out. However, I know I won’t be able to figure this parenting/fathering thing out. There are too many variables, so many wrong moves to make. The best thing I can do as an expectant father is to surrender our child to Jesus. To be honest, my one prayer for our baby girl has been: “Lord, grow this girl to be a force for Your Kingdom.” As I drove my wife to the ER today, I found myself getting angry. I’ve never felt as powerless as I did today watching my sick wife carrying our child. There were so many things that could have been wrong, and I literally couldn’t do anything, couldn’t change anything … Powerless. I was angry because I wasn’t trusting Jesus. However, throughout the day I saw the Lord reveal Himself as these circumstances unfolded. Even though it’s not over with, God has been faithful. Her kidneys aren’t blocked. The real danger of a severe infection hasn’t shown up in the tests. She (both of them) is safe. As this happened I thought a lot about Jesus and grace. The perfection of Jesus is our great gift; we’re the vessels that treasure gets to rest in. If I’m trusting in anything else other than the perfection of Jesus, I am trusting in something that’s going to fail me. If I’m finding my glory in anything other than Jesus, I’m definitely going to be disappointed. I thought about how it’s so easy for me to replace Jesus, even when I know all of this. Trusting Jesus is not a prerogative, it’s an absolute imperative. Ultimately, it’s the only way the world works, the only way it makes sense.
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